cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
