toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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