Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
