what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
