You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
