i think my tv is drunk
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
