That's intense
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
