I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
