Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
