Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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