We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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