Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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