If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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