Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
