After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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