saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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