i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
NoShamevember. You game?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
