Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dick very happy bro
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
