Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
