Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
