just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
