you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
