I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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