I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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