I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
