dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
