Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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