This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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