I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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