Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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