I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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