would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
