I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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