the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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