her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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