oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
