I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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