mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
