Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
