I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
