i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
