Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
