I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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