Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Are we still banned from the library?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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