I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
