apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
