Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
