There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
