oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
