tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
