All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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